SAN FRANCISCO, CA, (NAMC) - Rainforest Action Network today reintroduced to the mass market Petrolius, a wonder tonic hailed by many as a solution to the chronic immobility suffered by millions of Americans. An innovative new commercial designed to promote and educate on the use of Petrolius can be viewed at: www.freedomfromoil.org.
“Though this product has been on the market for decades, branding petroleum as Petrolius gives us a chance to reacquaint the public with a valuable resource that we all tend to take for granted,” said Jumpstart Ford campaign director Sarah Connolly. “True, Petrolius has contributed to the spread of bloody international conflicts, catastrophic health crises and general environmental destruction, but is that really too much to pay for adequate transportation?”
Petrolius is a naturally occurring liquid mixture of hydrocarbons found in various deposits around the world. When distilled, it yields everything from gasoline to kerosene to benzene and can be used to fuel cars, preserve wood, and even to make asphalt.
Though few doubt Petrolius’ capacity to energize and propel Americans to reach their destinations in life, the public should be prepared for side effects which include but are not limited to: nausea, anxiety, an inflated sense of confidence, hostility, rage, migraine headaches, personal distress, financial distress, family distress, fuzzy thinking, fuzzy math, fuzzy dice, asthma, coughing, lung cancer, skin lesions, air pollution, water pollution, smog, soot, human rights disasters, global warming, forest destruction, unemployment and public outrage. Petrolius is also highly addictive and can cause tunnel vision, greed, irritability, deception, distortion, distraction, corruption, extreme paranoia, terrorism, aggression and irrational behavior. Petrolius may even cause death.
“In clinical studies, Petrolius has proven tremendously effective in getting people from point A to point B,” continued Connolly. “Many drugs have side effects and can be habit-forming. Some, like Petrolius, are highly addictive and carry negative consequences that go far beyond a mild headache or stomach pains. That said, climate chaos, oil wars and deathly addiction should never stand in the way of the status quo. Why try cutting-edge technologies like biofuels or plug-in hybrid electric cars when we’ve got a time-tested alternative right here?”
Petrolius and its derivatives are already available in gallon-sized doses at service stations throughout the country. If you suffer from chronic immobility, Petrolius may be right for you.
Through its Jumpstart Ford Campaign, Rainforest Action Network is working to end America’s oil dependence, reduce oil-related conflicts, and stop global climate change by convincing the auto industry to dramatically improve fuel efficiency and eliminate vehicle greenhouse gas emissions by 2020.
For more information, visit
http://www.freedomfromoil.org.
NAMC News 
